Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A letter to Sophia

Dear sweet Sophia,

      You are my little miracle. The day you took your first breath you made me the proudest mommy in the whole world. Nothing could describe the first time I was truly alone with you: no daddy, no grammy, no nurses, no anybody just you and me baby. It dawned on me only at that moment that I was taking you home. I loved you so dearly but for the love of God you terrified me right down into my core. Nothing had ever scared me close to the amount you did.

      You spent much of your first days staring at me from behind sleepy eyes as if to ask "Hey who the heck are you?" You were the best newborn there was. Even your cry was adorable, you bubbled up your lips and would let out a "bwaaaah" as if you were yelling at me, when you were tiny you almost never really seemed to cry. You impressed everyone with how quiet you were and how serious your eyes were.

      You spent much of your days curled up on mommy or daddy or playing (sleeping) on your floor mat. You never believed in rushing yourself. I knew you could roll over but you never really saw reason to, it was much nicer on your back. You only sat when your toys were that height, you only crawled when you noticed things were out of reach, and you only walked when mommy bribed you with food. Even now you believe things should be done at your pace and no faster or slower.

      Just days before your birthday your baby brother was born. In the hospital when we showed Sam to you, you stared at him for a few seconds and decided you were bored and pushed him away. I thought for certain you didn't like him and I would be saving him from you for the rest of eternity. Little did I know you just weren't ready to love him. Once I brought him home you spent a week circling him like a predator to prey. One day I was brave and decided to let you hold him. I saw your heart melt in that second, you were ready. Now most of your day is devoted to kissing and playing with him. You are by far the most amazing big sister anyone could ask for.

      You are now a hair's breadth away from a year and a half. You know what? You still terrify me. You are my oldest you will always do things first, things I'm not ready for. But I guess I will have to live with that. I love you so much little girl, I could write and write and never truly explain how much and why I do. I guess simply because you're my little girl.


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