Sunday, December 12, 2010

8 week appointment tomorrow

I'm both elated and terrified. I cannot be the innocent pregnant girl. I'm going to go all dark and depressing for a second to explain why.

Last year on Oct 10 I got my first positive pregnancy test. I was so giddy and elated and nothing could go wrong. I announced my pregnancy to the whole fucking world within two days. Then I started bleeding. By the time I noticed it, it was over. I had lost my first baby. Even though I was only 5 weeks pregnant I was inconsolable for almost a week. My OB encouraged me to try again saying "Sometimes the only way to heal is to get pregnant again." Well I did exactly what she said, I got my second positive on November 30, 2009 which resulted in my darling daughter. Unfortunately I had some bleeding from a subchoreonic hemorrhage that terrified me and broke my heart for six weeks.

So even though I only had one incident of spotting (after some uhhh good love) I can't  relax, I'm constantly afraid.

So moving away from the depressing I'm beginning to think my neighbors downstairs think I beat Sophia. Uhm I don't but the ear shattering, heartbreaking screams are because her teeth are starting to come through. Sigh I don't like this stage much.

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