S Momma: January 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

Sam's 6 month appointment!

Sam is 19lbs 12 oz and is 28 inches long

He's healthy other than that. Oh and he's had clogged tear duct since he was born that they're starting to worry about.

I want to give him a little longer to open it on his own.

Other than that not much new around here.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Week of 1/30/12-2/5/12

Color: Purple
Letter: Ff
Number: 6
Our rhyme is: Jack Sprat

Our songs are:
   Classical: Song without Words, Book 5, Opus 62: Spring Song
     Silly: Down By the Ocean

Language: Mother
     French: mère
   Spanish: madre
     German: mutter

Book: "The Very Hungry Caterpiller" by Eric Carle

Sign: "mom"

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Happy 6 months Samuel!

Sam is now 6 months old, oh how the time has flown.

I could have sworn it was just yesterday I was begging him to come early.

Happy ½ birthday my sweet prince!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

S3!

So we went and saw S3. I'm very excited!

Baby measured 6weeks 1 day with a heart rate of 122 BPM.

The only negative is I seem to be experiencing high blood pressure already. I get to do a 24 hour urine + the 1hr gestational diabetes test.

Do you see my baby?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Something I'm going to need to accept

I never realized this until Carl pointed it out. I have never said I "gave birth" or I have never referred to the act of transferring my children from the inside to the outside as "giving birth."

He's right. The most common phrase I use is "removed" as in "When they removed Sophia from me."

I'm not knocking or meaning to demoralize anyone who has had a c-section but this is how I feel.

I don't feel as if I have ever given birth despite having two children who grew inside my womb. I guess in my head birth is the process of a baby descending from the uterus into the birth canal and emerging from the vagina. When I think about the phrase "giving birth" that is what I see. I see a mother pushing and a baby crowning. What I don't see is an incision and a mother lying strapped to an operating table. Honestly if I could have my perfect world I would change my births. I would have pushed harder to prolong my labor with Sophie, I would have demanded the right to walk around. I didn't I was young and scared, I did what I was told. That eats at me every time I think of her birth.

At my first prenatal appointment they went through the questions. The most common question a doctor asks is "Why did you have a c-section." The answer I give is the one that was given to me:

Failure to progress.

Failure to progress

Failure to progress

Failure

Failure

Failure

I know it's probably irrational but almost 18 months later I haven't come to grips. I still see myself as a failure for being unable to give birth to my daughter.

As long as we're in the land of "I wish"... I wish I would have pushed for a VBAC with Samuel, I wish I wouldn't have agreed to schedule a repeat c-section date. Even though I went into labor on my own (rupturing of my water) because I was scheduled for a repeat c-section they immediately found me a spot in the OR schedule. Maybe I would have started contracting on my own had I waited another hour to call my mother. Maybe I would have been dilated just a little more if I had told them to stop and let me be. Perhaps I could have given birth to Samuel.

Because of this it is all but set in stone that this baby will be born via caesarian section. So will the children to follow.

Because of my failure I will never give birth.

You cannot understand the depth of hurting this causes me.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Week of 1/23/12- 1/29/12

Color: Blue
Letter: Ee
Number: 5
Our rhyme is: A Diller, a Doller

Our songs are:
   Classical: Gavotte from French Suite No. 5 BWV
     Silly: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (don't check my spelling)

Language: Father
     French: père
   Spanish: pache
     German: vater

Book: "The Snowy Day" by Ezra Jack Keats

Sign: "eat"

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Snow day!

It snowed again, FINALLY! It hasn't snowed since our freak storm in October! I live in Pennsylvania, it always snows here.

So I decided we were going to have a fun snow day. So far, so good!

So this morning I decided to make pancakes!

pancakes! They aren't pretty but they were good.

Sam hanging out in the jumper while we ate.

Sophie enjoying her pancake!

Hey, mommy! Look I have feet!

Sam was tipping over so Sophie leaned away

When she saw us drag out her snow suite she laid down to help

Sam watching his sister get ready

I love her little foot!

Snow boots

Putting on Sophia's overalls

They're on!!!

The mittens

Now the coat

So we discovered we never bought Sam a snow suite

So we put him in his sister's from last year

Taking a ride in her sled

Some more of her sleigh ride

Sam enjoying the scenery

Taking a walk through the snow

Hey Sam! (at least his hat is blue)

More of their little walk

This snow stuff is hard work

Back out to play some more!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Got my blood work results...

My HCG was "fine"

but my progesterone was low enough I need to take the suppositories to try to bring my levels up. I'm kind of stressing over that.

I know tons of people have to take progesterone with their pregnancy but its just one more thing to complicate me reaching an end result of taking this little baby home.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Had my 1st prenatal appointment today

Nothing fun or exciting. Just an exam and a blood draw.

If my numbers come back good enough from the blood draw (HCG and progesterone) I will be scheduling my first ultrasound!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good numbers, I want to see the baby so bad.

Funny story from today: I woke up utterly convinced all this pregnancy stuff was in my head. So I took yet another pregnancy test. That sucker was positive before the pee crossed the test. I'm definitely not normal.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Stop these so called BILLS.

If you have a blog or read blogs (HELLO!!!!) you need to stop these bills. If you facebook, tweet, google or wiki you need to stop these bills.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Photo bomb anyone?

Upon further discovery my last true photo bomb was when Sam was 2 months old! I'm severely slacking! Okay I did do a Halloween picture post but none of "normal" life. So here it is!